For my 50th birthday, I organized a trip to Scotland with three close friends. We were going to reside in the historic town of St. Andrews for the entirety of the visit, which was a complete reversal of my honeymoon trip two decades prior. On that “newly married” trip, we rented a car and traveled as far south as Machrihanish and as far north as Royal Dornoch. Four oldish dudes weren’t going to make that effort. Why drive when you can be driven? We shacked up at the University of St. Andrews and booked the necessary transfers to all the top clubs, including Muirfield, North Berwick, Kingsbarns, and Carnoustie.

Perhaps you noticed that The Old Course at St. Andrews was not included on that list? For those not familiar, there are really only three ways to get a tee time at The Old Course: (1) book with a tour operator and stay in St. Andrews signature lodging, (2) get styled by an R & A Member, or (3) enter the daily lottery and hope for the best. I would say I’ve lived a lucky life, but I’m not lucky. I never get the parking spot in front of Costco on Saturday and besides winning an adult bicycle at 6 years old, I just don’t hit jackpots. Sidebar (last photo), I got booed off the stage when I won that bicycle because my Grandfather was playing Santa. My family assured me the fix was NOT in, but it scarred me for life.

So, although I knew we didn’t have an Old Course tee time, I was confident it would happen because a tour operator friend was working some back channels AND we were entered into the Old Course lottery FOUR separate times. As the week wore on, the back channels dried up. Because I’m the human equivalent of a black cat jumping off a broken mirror and walking under a ladder on Friday the 13th, we went 0 for 4 on the lottery. So there we were, four middle aged dudes thousands of miles from home, with no tee time at the ONE course that could NOT be missed on a 50th birthday celebration. And although it’s been well-established that I’m not lucky, I’m definitely a grinder. And it’s been said that you pick friends that remind you of yourself–so I had an entire foursome of grinders. We decided on the 4th option to get a tee time at The Old Course, which I didn’t mention earlier. It requires showing up IN PERSON at the Old Course Starter Shack. Anyone that wanted to be on the list had to BE present and STAY present until the starter arrived at 6am. One guy couldn’t hold multiple spots. You couldn’t pass the baton and break the wait into multiple shifts. If you wanted to be ON the list and stay ON the list, you could NOT leave the premises.

Perhaps we had too much to drink at dinner because three of us decided we weren’t going to come all this way and not play The Old Course. We arrived at the Starter Shack at 9:30pm. We knew there was one twosome available and multiple single spots. This forced my hand because I wasn’t going to play St. Andrews Old with three strangers, so I declined to put my name on the list. But since I felt guilty about not coming through for my friends, I decided to stay for moral support. My friends, Ted and Tommy, were #1 and #2 on the list. So the only thing preventing them from getting that twosome slot would be tapping out before 6am. Sounds like a no-brainer? Let me assure you it wasn’t.

Ted was the smartest of the bunch. He drug his mattress/ bedding and set up shop on one of the benches with his laptop. Tommy was a little less prepared but still smarter than me. I decided to use my golf travel bag as a blanket and a couple of towels as pillows. I had three layers on. I was under a heater but it was flickering in and out. I looked at the predicted low temperature for that evening and it was in the forties. Wind was negligible. Only 8.5 hours? I’d watched several episodes of “Naked and Afraid” and “Dude, You’re Screwed” over the years and always clowned the people that gave up. I soon found out that making a 20 footer for an ugly par was not an equivalent of being outside overnight at The Old.

I think it was a little after midnight when I started to long for a hot shower and a comfortable bed. The restroom was a long walk to the coastline for number ones only. Minutes felt like hours. It was like that scene in Risky Business where Tom Cruise can’t wait for class to end and keeps looking at the clock only to see it click backwards. The only positive was gazing over at the historic Royal & Ancient headquarters located right behind the first tee. It was lit up and looked like a cathedral. I think that made the difference. I couldn’t quit at The Home of Golf.

Since this emotionally and physically taxing night, I have fed the local homeless population a few times. Besides being grateful for a hot meal, I can relate to what they go through each night living without shelter. Unless you’ve spent a day outside against your will–and camping doesn’t count–you really aren’t in a position to comment on it. These people are not “getting over” on us by sleeping outside. I guarantee I will never be homeless because now I know I’m just not tough enough to do it.

The starter showed up at six sharp. Ted and Tommy took the twosome. I went back to the University of St. Andrews for a hot shower and a mid-day sleep. I joined the guys later and walked the back nine. We did get our foursome photo on the 700 year old Swilcan Bridge. But I still have to play the Old Course before my time is up!

Ted and Tommy on the left.

The Swilcan Bridge on the 18th at The Old Course with the R & A in background.

Ted saying hello.

Me (6 years old) getting booed with Grandpa as Santa in Cranford, New Jersey.