For those of you not familiar with playing golf in a heavy Irish wind, let me explain. There are three different and distinct challenges: (1) Reading and establishing the strength and direction of the wind, especially with gusts, (2) flighting your ball properly to match what you have calculated on #1, and (3) executing a solid strike on your ball off sandy soil. If you don’t do #3, the first two don’t matter. And a mishit is magnified significantly, I would say it multiplies for every 10 miles an hour of wind. So a massive slice that would normally curve 30 yards, curves 60 yards in a 30mph left to right breeze. This is why expert players “bank” their balls into the wind in most cases. It’s the only proper way to play links golf because it counteracts the wind’s effect and gives you the most control over your ball. Except for a few highlights, my swing and ball have been out of control since I landed in London.
Portmarnock is one of the top clubs in Ireland and sits on a piece of land surrounded by water near Dublin. Out of all the clubs I have played around the world, this one had a Cypress Point vibe. It is so private and well-regarded, they don’t have to constantly remind you of who they are. The golf shop was the finest I’ve seen on this trip and the service was warm and welcoming. Lunch was included with our round and my friends know I like to eat, so this was shaping up to be my kind of day.
I saw my man, Fredrik, on the range who diagnosed me with S.A.B.S. While it’s not life-threatening, it might not be reversible at my advanced age. Slow Ass Ball Speed is the disease and while the mind is still willing, the body just won’t cooperate. My fast balls are now change ups and there is not much I can do about it. He and Hannah keep asking me why I’m not in the gym with them at the crack of dawn. I need my beauty sleep AND I’m on vacation, thank you very much.
After a decent warm up and rolling a few putts, I decided the Portmarnock greens were a bit faster than the other courses we had played. I thought this might suit me and set the table for a solid round of golf. I was once again–mistaken.
Our foursome today was my friend, Rich, our mutual friend Nathan, and the Head of Tourism for Ireland, Paul. Paul is a Hurler, which is basically a sport played with a wooden stick that combines hockey, lacrosse, and rugby. Hurling requires a lot of core strength and pivot, so besides the fact I’m disqualified from hurling, Paul absolutely pounds the golf ball. Somehow these three thieves were getting 7 shots off me, despite all being younger, handsomer, and much more athletic. I went to my standard line of “just tell me what I owe at the end” and we were off.
Teams were me and Nathan vs Rich and Paul. For some reason, I was absolutely crushing my driver. I hit one 280 on the 2nd, hooked a 5 wood around the corner at the 3rd, and pumped drives 300 plus at the 4th, 6th, 9th, and 11th. Sadly, my iron game was still cold and I wasn’t taking advantage. Nathan and I turned one down and lost the 10th to go 2 down. The wind picked up and we were really battling it as it was either into our face or off the left–unquestionably the toughest direction in golf. But Nathan and I managed to win three straight holes to take the lead. From 14-16, the lead ping ponged back and forth until we stood on the 17th tee all square. Then my irons decided to finally arrive in Ireland.
The 17th is a monster at Portmarnock, and will actually play as the 18th at the Open Championship when it is played in a few years time. I hit a nice drive up the right side and then striped a 4-iron to gimme range. These late game heroics allowed us to tie Paul’s par, net birdie. On 18, it came down to Paul and I again, but Paul was about 75 past me off the tee. Into a strong headwind, I hit a 5 iron from 165 yards to three feet. Paul was a little shaken by this mighty blow, but he managed to flip his wedge onto the green to 25 feet. After a two putt by Paul, the stage was mine to claim victory. But of course, I missed it low side when I didn’t put enough pace on it.
We retired to the historic Portmarnock clubhouse for lunch, which was exceptional. This capped another memorable day of making new friends and playing mediocre golf in what I now consider to be my golf Mecca.
Nathan and I would then hop in his car and head four hours southwest to Killarney and The Europe, a five star hotel set on Lough Leane. Many consider the west to be the apex of Irish golf. I have rounds at Dooks, Trailee, Waterville, and Ballybunion left on my docket to get the wheels back on.
